I’ve got two little arms to hold on tight
and I want to take you higher.

No computer, no music. I have missed this song more than anything, SOUL ON FIRE by Spiritualized, which I heard live last summer, sung by a shy lead singer who kept turning her back and raising one shoulder higher than the other. I have its memory but I don’t have its substance. Its sound starts daily in my head, and I can’t make it finish.

I went to a Rita Dove reading yesterday where she read from her new book, and talked about the impossibility of recording music in the 1800s. To hear it, you had to play it.

To hear it, I have to sing. I found myself singing to B yesterday, more, maybe because I haven’t heard music in what feels like forever now. If a Beatles lyric came into my head, I would stop and sing it. A whole verse.

I want to go back to being in a choir. I had a dream about this, where I was lost on some Scotland-green League of Ivy campus in the hills above Chicago (there are no hills above Chicago) and wandered into a practice-room. I found my father there, singing, with a group of other academics.

I have so many more thoughts which belong on this blog, cluttering my head like a box of overturned chess pieces. But I have to write emails now. I hope I get to be back here soon.